Sunday, May 16
I saw a truly terrible movie last night. If you haven't seen "Troy" - don't. It was pretty fun to sit there making fun of it in my head a la "Mystery Science Theater" except that it was TWO HOURS AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES long.
Here's a rundown of a *few* of the problems I had with it:
- it was self-important
- the background music was a woman wailing
- it tried too hard to be like LOTR
- Brad Pitt is a terrible actor (which I hadn't known before because I don't see Brad Pitt movies)
- Orlando Bloom is a pansy
- Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom are both man-whores. You know, they did this same naked but tastefully covered thing with Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly" and where'd he wind up? Doing voice overs for Macintosh. Not that I'm dissing Jeff Goldblum, mind you, because he WAS in the greatest movie EVER (i.e. "Jurassic Park") and I think anyone would much rather see gratuitous naked shots of him than Brad Pitt anyways
- when Paris (Bloom) comes to see Helen to make babies and he says "do you want me to leave" and she opens her shirt and becomes topless and then starts hugging and kissing on him and he's in metal armor - it would be VERY uncomfortable to press your naked self against metal armor what a retard
- where did the Greeks get the perfectly smoothed and shaped log beams for their pyres?
- there was not one but TWO comically large and tough guys that get beat up by little guys
There's some more but I am tired of listing things. But don't think that I'm completely biased against the movie - there were two redeeming qualities in it:
- Boromir was in it
- Hector had a cute baby for a son
This baby participated in but did not win our Survivor gambling. Poor him, his people were Alicia and Susan. Didn't even have a chance.
Here's a rundown of a *few* of the problems I had with it:
- it was self-important
- the background music was a woman wailing
- it tried too hard to be like LOTR
- Brad Pitt is a terrible actor (which I hadn't known before because I don't see Brad Pitt movies)
- Orlando Bloom is a pansy
- Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom are both man-whores. You know, they did this same naked but tastefully covered thing with Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly" and where'd he wind up? Doing voice overs for Macintosh. Not that I'm dissing Jeff Goldblum, mind you, because he WAS in the greatest movie EVER (i.e. "Jurassic Park") and I think anyone would much rather see gratuitous naked shots of him than Brad Pitt anyways
- when Paris (Bloom) comes to see Helen to make babies and he says "do you want me to leave" and she opens her shirt and becomes topless and then starts hugging and kissing on him and he's in metal armor - it would be VERY uncomfortable to press your naked self against metal armor what a retard
- where did the Greeks get the perfectly smoothed and shaped log beams for their pyres?
- there was not one but TWO comically large and tough guys that get beat up by little guys
There's some more but I am tired of listing things. But don't think that I'm completely biased against the movie - there were two redeeming qualities in it:
- Boromir was in it
- Hector had a cute baby for a son
This baby participated in but did not win our Survivor gambling. Poor him, his people were Alicia and Susan. Didn't even have a chance.
